


Sign and Dave Get Laid

by Azkaban Ekatz (Dying_Flora)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: "Technically speaking you're a necrophiliac", "What are you staring at?", "Why are you like this babe", 'what the fuck is a cowboy', 'you if you get to riding any time soon', Bets & Wagers, Bulges and Nooks, Cock Slut, Creampie, Dave really did a number on Signless, Deepthroating, Dildos, Established Relationship, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Lactation Kink, No Plot/Plotless, Other, Out of Character, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sign is kinda a slut in death, Sign understands some but not all human words, Sorry Not Sorry, They Have Kids, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Top Dave, What Have I Done, Why Did I Write This?, someone help them and me, this is all in the dream bubbles btw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 04:16:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14441223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dying_Flora/pseuds/Azkaban%20Ekatz
Summary: This based on a really old roleplay. Signless has been aching for release since the last time they saw their matesprite, Dave. However, today after months of being alone to care their grubs, they decided to get a little nasty while alone. Day is crashed by Dave showing up on a whim. He wants a piece of the action.





	1. A Bet is A Bet and I'll Win For Sure

**Author's Note:**

> There's a lot of spelling mistakes cause my phone was being an ass. I'll fix them later. This is the first thing I've posted since leaving my other account.
> 
> Kari was the name of the Signless in the rp. Alpha Dave was their matesprite. Ash and Kira are their adopted children. Summoner is dating a male Handmaid called the Handpage. They have a grub nicknamed Seth together. Page is ♦️with Signless.

Signless walked in their shared, currently-empty hive wearing a large red and black shirt. It went up to their free hips and stretched out by the chest. Guiltless, they wore no underwear or proper clothing. No one was expected for another 2 and a half hours anyway. The hive was silent without their soft moans ringing within it.

Right now, though, was a "recharge" break as Signless called it. They lounged in the living room consuming cookies and whatever they could find to drink. Silently, they reminenced about their current matesprite. It'd been too long since they've visited, but Signless didn't mind. As taking care of their adopted offspring wasn't exactly in their agenda. Their visits were strictly... physical. 

A knock from the door snapped them out of their trance. They opened the door carefully, standing behind it, and asked who it was.

"Dave. It's been awhile, babe," Strider waltzed in, with a few bags on his arms. "I planned to show up sooner, but got caught up in something."

Signless closed the door, then turned to face his direction. "It's alright, I know you're busy." Clamoring bags provided a temporary cover as Signless quietly made their way to the couch. They hugged a pillow, trying to prevent him from noticing the mess between their thighs.

"So I bought some things for Kira and Ash and...where are they actually?" He stopped for a moment.

Signless tilted their head back, "With my mother, she wanted to use them as models. For her sewing, I mean. They should be home in 2 and a half hours."

He walked over and plopped down next to Signless. "So we're alone..." Dave leaned in to kiss them. Though they moved which made it a kiss on the cheek. 

"I know what you're doing, and I'm way ahead of you," they shifted, waiting for him to catch on.

He placed his hands on each side of their hips. "Really? Show me then."

Signless huffed jokingly, "But I was on a break, there's already a mess between my thighs."

"Please? What about those pierced nips of yours?" He smiled, pulling them closer to nibble on their neck. "Can't I have just a moment with them?"

Thoughtfully, Sign tilted their head and shrugged. "Perhaps, but I also have a new piercing to try out."

Dave was confused, "Babe, you have your tits and tongue pierced. What else did you get?"

"A bulge/clitoris piercing. I've only used it myself during my solo sessions," Signless paused, " I need to see if it'll handle the real thing."

He gripped onto their ass, pulling them into his lap. "If that's what you want then I'm in. On two conditions-"

"The usual? You get to creampie and set the pace?"

"I always creampie you, but no. One, I want some," he pulled on Signless' nipples, " of that troll milk Disciple gave you. You haven't let me to suck on these jugs for awhile. You're swollen already too."

"Look, it wasn't like I asked for her to give me those pills. I don't even know what it does to humans."

He stopped for a second, then asked, "What does it do to trolls then?"

"Well, in some cases it's a physical turn on...in others it releases pheromones that cause the orgy to last longer than a few rounds."

Smirking he tugged at the shirt, "And what if that happens to me?"

Unamused, Signless slipped off the shirt and stared at him, "You only have two hours before Psii or Mother drops them off. If it happens then...we could have another session later, while they're asleep."

"Hmm, maybe I should up the anty then. I was going to say condition number two was a blowjob, but you like sucking cock anyway. How about the last to cum before they arrive does whatever the other wants for two weeks? Sexual and non-sexual," his beaming smile wasn't intimidating to Sign.

"You're on," they pulled off his sunglasses and toppled him over. "But, I get to use my bulge too."

"Only if you bring it back in while I slam into your nook," he responded.

"Deal," with that Signless leaned down, kissing him briefly then placing small bites on his jaw. Dave hitched his breath, pulling Signless' hips down to grind into his own. 

Signless lifted their head, " Your clothes are going to get dirty."

"Already were going too. Besides when I win, it'll be the least of your worries."

"You mean if you win," they retorted, sitting up and grinding harder. "Off with the shirt, I'll take care of your little friend here. He seems to have missed me."

Propped himself onto his elbows, frantically throwing off the shirt. He gave Sign's ass a firm slap. "We had a deal. I want those nips, Kari, my dick can wait."

With a huff, Signless slowly lifted themself up, crawling over him. Enjoying the torturingly slow moment before his impatience kicked in. He pulled them down enough for their breasts to have above him. Only briefly admiring the latest bars in them, small but their ends were fascined with red tinted gears.

Dave flipped the position, quickly putting his head between their breasts. Teasingly pulling at them, earning a new soft cries from Signless. He nipped at then, pulling at the bar twice then gently sucking. Moaning into their breasts, he began to suck harder and alternated. 

"Tastes sweet," he muttered between breasts.  Signless moaned underneath him, squirming and trying to grind. Without hesitation, he startled them by slamming a hand by their head, "Wait a bit longer, babe. I promise it'll be worth the wait."

They nodded quietly that dissolved into moaning almost instantly. Dave pressed himself into their breasts, drinking in the milk before pulling away and staring at Signless. He leaned in, kissing them then giving a breast a sudden harsh squeeze. They gasped and he took the opportunity to allow Signless to drink themself. 

He pulled away to undo his pants, slipping them off and throwing them god knows where. Signless sat up and stared at the large bulge. Dave pulled them a fraction down, showing off the leaking tip of his cock. 

"So, does my cock slut want to down me?" he asked teasingly. "Of course you do. That's what you've been pawing this whole time." 

Signless blushed every shade of red while watching him pull the end of his boxers down. 

"It's a lot bigger than I remember," they paused for a second, "Are you sure you're *my* Dave? I don't remember you being this big."

Dave stared at Signless for a moment. He blinked, then caressed the side of their face. "I can't believe you're calling me out for having a huge dick, Kari."

"Well excuse me for wondering if this was even the dick I sucked off while Kankri searched for his journal of mass hysteria," they gripped on to his shaft, "This thing is massive, not as big as my bulge; however, it could be the human equivalent."

"You sucked off this dick before, and rode it, and even brought it back to life for another round," Dave laughed. He could feel Kari's mocking stare, but only offered a smile in return. "Actually, maybe it has been a while since we did this. I haven't been home...for a long time now." 

His arrogant facade seemed to falter some. His eyes met Signless's, who's face remained very soft expressioned. They had a small smile, filled with a little joy; it felt like a moment he'd remember. 

"I can't remember the last time we did this," Dave admitted.

Signless hummed to themself, the expression on their face changed to an inquisitive one. Staring at the human before them, they flicked their tongue on Dave's tip. Their tongue ran the length before looking up again.

"Well I do," their tone was flat, "you came home for a couple of hours. You barely said anything to our grubs, but were all too eager to bend me over the countertop. They were barely crawling then, but could talk semi-coherently."

Again, they ran their tongue over his length; enjoying ever bit of him squirming in their hands. 

"You were surprised when Ash made his way into the kitchen and asked, 'what are you doing!' cause you were too busy slamming my nook. Thank Goodness that you didn't undress me fully. You didn't want to stop without finishing, but did for a moment to tell him that we were sharing an adult hug. He didn't understand in the least."

Signless seemed to be lost in thought for a moment. Dave noticed the hurt expression written on their face. He began to rub their cheek with his thumb, making small circles in the process, "I know I haven't been around much. Work's been absolute hell," he paused and inhaled, "that doesn't make it right to leave you with grubs alone and coming home to let out some frustration on your body."

They stared at one another, smiling slightly in the process. 

"I apologise for my actions, and will be home more."

Signless hummed again, slowly pumping their hand up and down his length. "I guess this turned into a celebratory blowjob then. You know I still remember the first time you introduced me to your little friend here."

Dave's smile was wicked one, looking at Kari's cute face. He reminded about that day. Started off simple and innocent enough, a Karkat had been living with Signless for a while. It wasn't his Karkat, but close enough of a pain in the ass. Most of it was a blur; most of what he remembers was Karkat eventually stomping off somewhere after hearing Kankri making his way into the cancers shared hive.

"I remember that too," he blurted out, "you seemed to like it more than intended. I honestly didn't think I'd be screwing Karkat's ancestor one day. Yet here I am, with them as my cock slut."

"Oh shut up," they hushed.

He laughed, "You asked what was wrong with me after seeing my boner from god knows what. I don't fucking remember what it was anymore, but I do remember you asking if I wanted help. Honest to God, in my head I kept thinking, 'what's the most that could happen? It'll probably be taken as a token of goodwill.' Whipped it out, listened to you compare it to a bulge for a bit then watched you deepthroat it like it was the most easiest thing in the universe. It took everything I had just to not bust a nut there."

He seemed to daydream about that day more than the other times. The only thing wrecking him train of thought was Kari's cooing, "Was I really that good?"

His wicked smile drew more noticeable as he grabbed their hand and basically used it as a cock sleeve. "Hell yeah, you are. I don't remember what you did that drew me over the edge. Just that I thrusted my whole dick down your throat and cummed...and you drank every drop of it. God, I swear I could feel you days afterwards on my dick drinking cum."

Signless was satisfied with his answer, so much so that they swatted away his hand. They ran their tongue, in circles, on his tip. Making sure Dave was watching, they never broke eye contact while gliding their tongue down to the base of his girth and gently sucking on his balls. A hand played with them gently, while the other teasingly ran his length to his tip. They jerked the tip alone, creating a groan from their partner before running back up the length.

"Go on," Signless demanded.

He hitched his breath, "You sucked me off and it was amazing."

Signless seemed dissatisfied with his reply, removing their hand, "I seem to remember you saying it wasn't enough to blow you. Just before you grabbed onto my ass and grinded against my bulge and nook."

Dave blushed, "Yeah I remember that. You took off those righteous leggings of yours and let me plunder the fuck out of that nook. Kankri came back in screaming while watching his counterpart creamed by a human. He didn't return from his resprite block until after I had painted your furniture red and white...then screamed again watching me eat you out. 'This is unsanitary! And unsightly! I am highly triggered right now and would prefer you to leave our hive at once.'"

Signless laughed, "'Yeah sure, when I'm done.' That's what you told him and his face was the brightest red. He looked like he wanted to cull you for saying such a thing."

"Kari, I love you and this trip down memory lane; but, my dick is aching and I wanna really lay into that bet and ass before our kids get home," Dave laughed, half heartedly.

"Oh fine," they huffed, returning to their ministrations. "I hope you remember how difficult it is to make me cum." 

"Difficu-" Dave stopped to bellow a moan out. "F..fuck," he gripped on to their hair. Signless almost had the whole cock resting down their throat, maybe an inch or two off. The thought made Dave smile, "What happened to my cocksucker? You can't deepthroat me anymore? Here let me help."

Signless's eyes widened as Dave pulled their head in, forcing down the last two inches until their nose was against his pubic hair. "There we go, that's the picture I remember so fondly. Matter of fact," he reached around the couch to look for his phone. Signless started to pull away to start bobbing with Dave's hand pushing them back down.

His hand scampered around the couch. Frantically, he searched without moving too much. Signless hummed and coughed while being held against his base. "Fuck, sorry, babe."

He released them, allowing them to resurface.

"A bit of warning next time," they repremended. "What are you looking for?"

"My phone."

"Why? Do you have to go back to work already?" Signless asked.

Dave shook his head, "No, but I think it would be hot to have video evidence of my win and a bit of porn to jerk off to when I'm away. Though when I win, I'll get a better camera to record our two week antics."

"If you win, you mean," Signless retorted, wiping off spit from their mouth.

Dave finally pulled the phone from between the sofa cushions, "No, When I Win." 

There was an intense moment of silence between them, both equally determined to win the bet. Both unwilling to admit it wouldn't matter who won, but craved the power. Signless broke the eye contact while moving back to his cock, "I don't need your help deepthroating."

"Mmm, it's alright to admit you can't handle his cock like you used to."

"Did you just call me old?" Signless scoffed, "Remember it was this old troll that made you come over for a week asking for help. Which you pounded away at almost every day for 3 hours that week. And made you put a ring on it."

He chuckled at the fire burning in their words. All of it was true, even the part about pounding them for hours. Although he could've sworn it was longer than that. It felt longer then anyway.

"I'm not calling you old, but I do think it's hot as fuck to see your nose resting on my patch. Plus I don't think you've ever seen yourself with a whole dick in your mouth, it would make anyone cum."

Signless narrowed their eyes, skeptically but determined to win. They resubmerged their head, taking him to the very hilt this time and staring up at him.

 Dave had his phone pulled out, recording every bit of them deepthroating. He groaned and thrusted upwards. Taking it as a sign to move, Signless pulled away to lick his tip then began bobbing. Their hand filled with his balls and humming vibrating down his shaft. Signless felt pleased with the moaning, recording mess Dave is unraveling into. 

They began bobbing faster, using their free hand to make up the length left behind. Their jerking was frantic, but relentless. He kept his phone hovering over his head, making sure to capture every lick, bob, and fondling made. "Just like that," he groaned out.

Signless hummed louder, enjoying every moan and whimper. They pulled away and smiled gingerly, "It's okay to cum. You want to record me drinking your cum, right?" They resumed their brutal treatment,  not even waiting for an answer.

Dave's hips began bucking, and without hesitation he gripped on to Signless's head. He pushed them down his length, groaning loudly enough to wake the dead and releasing his cum into their throat. Signless didn't hesitate to drink it down, their gulping was felt and made him smile while commenting on video, "that's right, drink all that cum baby. Don't spill any of it."

Feeling satisfied, he released their head once again. Watching them as they licked his dick cleaning, he chuckled, "it's going to get dirty again anyway."

Signless looked into the camera and smirked, "You said not to spill any of it." They licked him hilt to tip clean then sat back to smile into the camera.

Dave stopped recording there and replayed some of it, "That's even hotter than I hoped."

"Question," Signless commented "How are you going to record you pounding at my nook with your phone?"

"Lay it somewhere it won't fall and will catch all the action," he blurted out, "or find a tripod or something. Not sure if I want to record that yet. Might just wait until I get the better camera to record that nook."

Signless shrugged and spread their legs, "If you say so, but you have.." they looked at the time, "20 minutes to make me cum or you're going to be obeying me for the next two weeks. I was already thinking about a cockring so I can ride you longer."

He slapped their ass and dragged them closer, "I told you I'm going to win. Remember who made you spill genetic material everywhere in your fucking shared hive."

"Once!"

"Once still happened," he mocked, spreading Signless's nook open. "God, I missed this." 

"Yes, it missed you too. Those dildos I bought don't help at all."

Dave positioned himself, while looking into Sign's eyes. "Guess you need the real thing then." He thrusted into their nook without hesitation, "The doctor perscribes 5 sittings of cum a day, blowjob as needed, and a nook pounding. One in the morning, one at night. At least."

Signless shrieked and clawed at the couch, "FUCK"

Dave tched at them while smacking their plump ass, "You're a prophet. Use your words."

Signless panted, "For all that is holy and merciful bliss, remove my aching virtue at once. I bee-seech you to."

They desperately attempted to move their hips, with little progress. Dave had their legs thrown over his shoulders, and laid over them with his cock still fully sleathed.

"Was that a bee pun?" He asked, his tone dry, "You haven't slept with Psiioniic, have you?"

Half-jokingly, Signless slapped his chest gently. "I'm offended and appalled you would suggest such a thing. I slept with him when we were alive. Nothing afterwards, especially not after this."

"Okay, good then," he pulled out, only to thrust back in at full force. "You deserve this fucking and I'll make sure you're never making another bee pun in bed again."

"It just slipped ou-" they screamed and gripped on to the couch again while Dave repeated his previous action.

He wasn't convinced, well of course he was, but wouldn't let them know that. He repeated the motion again and again until Signless cried out, "just fuck me already!"

Dave squinted, dropping a leg and hitching the other one higher. He began thrusting at a rapid pace, "If he calls don't answer it. I want him to see me plowing your nook."

Their mind was a blur, but they managed to squeak out between his hips crashing against theirs. "It slipped out! It was an accident!" 

His careless thrusting became more erratic following those words, "I'll literally fuck the puns out of you if I have to...God, your nook is so damn tight. Feels exactly how I took it that first night," his rhythm was systematic.

Each and every thrust was landed just how he wanted it. Fast and hard, being enveloped by his matesprite's tight nook with their screaming underneath him. He put both legs over his shoulders again, watching his cock disappear into Signless's nook. Dave grabbed onto their shoulders to pull them down onto his cock more. 

"Who's gonna cum?"

Signless panted out, "at this rate, you will before I do."

The fire within his competitive desire made him pull out, he jerked himself off while flipping Signless onto their hands and knees. Their ass in the air, nook dripping with their genetic material. 

Dave thrusted himself back into the warm inviting hole, this time he laid on top of Signless's back. His hands gripped onto their chest before ramming away for practically what felt like hours. 

Signless could feel their release rising, biting onto their lip. They turned back to look at their matesprite at work. Quietly they thought, "I can't believe he's doing all of this over a bee pun."

Lost in thought, they were startled when Dave whispered into their ear, "Enjoying yourself?"

They nodded, feeling his ungodly pace licking up while grabbing onto their arms. 

"Where's my little prophet? Are they consumed by lust? Too lustful to speak now?" He questioned, dropping their arms and pulling them closer. "You're going to have bruises after this." 

His words dissolved into mass groaning and curse words. words. Most of them resonating amongst, "fuck..Kari, cum already."

They could feel their nook becoming tighter, practically gripping onto his cock and refusing to allow it to leave.  Yet, they also felt his cock twitching. It was ready to blow at any moment now, and when it did, they would scream to Dave's desire. 

"Fuck...it," he groaned into their ear, "I'ma just fuck until I cum. That's what you want isn't it? Want me to claim you sweet little nook?"

At that moment, there was knocking heard in the distance of their panting. Signless, almost certain he would stop, tried to raise their head. Dave's animalistic pounding was coming to a climax, in the heat of the moment, he pushed Signless back down.

"Scream into a pillow."

They complied, finding the nearest pillow and burying their face into it.

A voice called out, "Signless? Are you home?"

Certainly they were, but was preoccupied with a horny human plowing them into the couch. Which they absolutely loved, listening to him curse and claim how he's going to win. 

"Who owns your nook?" Dave questioned, death gripping their hips while slamming away like a desperate dog. 

A muffled answer, "you!"

Dave gave a loud smack of their ass, "I can't hear you. Our babies are waiting for you to tell their Papa who owns their other Papa's hot ass nook."

"You!" They muffled screamed out, "You own my nook."

With that, Dave gave a hard thrust and cummed. He withdrew several times to slam back into Signless's desoerate nook, giving them every inch of cum his cock could squeeze out. 

Signless's own release was muffled by the pillow, wrething underneath him upon his multiple cumming thrusts. They clenched around his cock, draining and taking in every drop of cum. Dave finally withdrew and smiled down at them, "What a beautiful sight to behold...Damn, I don't remember the last time I went that rough on you."

"I don't either," they panted out, "but enjoyed it much more than I could have thought of. You win."

He cuddled them into his chest, "Hmm, I told you I would win."

They meekly patted his cheek, "You humans are beasts."

"Only when they have a great cumdump."

Signless peered in the direction of the desperate pounding on the door. "Give me my phone."

Dave didn't hesitate to hand it over. He watched them call someone as a ringer went off nearby. 

"Psii?"

"Thank fuck, where are you?"

"There's a situation at Summoner's and Handpage's hive. I'll be gone for the day. Can you watch the grubs until then?"

"Sure, but what happened?"

"Remember Seth?"

"Their grub?"

"Yes, him."

"Why?"

"He brought home a rather large-fanged meowbeast and Summoner cannot seem to control it."

"Oh my God," Psii paused, "Alright, I'll watch them until you call me back. We'll be at my hive with Sollux and Mituna."

"Do not let them be near the honey."

"Signless, no one is allowed near the honey anyway."

The call ended abruptly. They sighed, tossing their head back and smiling at Dave. "We got some time."

"I still won," he grabbed their phone and out it onto the ground. 

"So what do you want me to start off with?"

He laid there, thinking to himself before responding, "Cuddling will be nice... we're going to have to get a new couch afterwards and then I'll eat you out for dinner."

"Why not now?"

Dave brought them closer and gave Signless a quick peck on the lips. "Too tired."

"I still have energy leftover."

He laughed, "Ride me then. Save a horse, ride a cowboy."

Signless stared at him, confused, "What the fuck is a cowboy?"


	2. hi yes hello

Aight so

Who's actually interested in this?? If you want me to then I'll write it out for everyone. And edit the first chapter.

I still have about 10 or so other roleplays involving my Signless. Which includes blind!Signless, female!Signless, etc.

And there's still tons of backstory about how Signless came to be. How they were blinded. Etc. Etc. Etc. I'd be happy to rehash the old bastard.


End file.
